Homodox

HIV still on the decline in San Francisco

Per Michael Petrelis, HIV cases fell another 6.6% from last year and have fallen 44.% since 2003.  I'd like to think my involvement in Stop AIDS helped, but I'm sure there are many factors.

Trademarks and the L Word

As I learn all about trademarks for my new job, I see that a judge in Greece ruled against the inhabitants of the Island of Lesbos in their pursuit to reclaim the word lesbian.  Evidently Lesbians will be those living on the island and lesbians are those that shop at Home Depot.

It's very hard to reclaim a word once it's passed into everyday language.  Just asked the people who produced popsicles, vaseline, band-aids, tabasco sauce, roller blades, whiffle balls, kleenex, and scotch tape.

Walk On By

Having lived in two out of the three cities, I already knew this!

Flowers

Let Your Garden Grow

All In: Relationships

This is actually a no-brainer.  For a successful relationship, you've got to be all in.  And not only all in, but all in as an infinite amount of cards are continuously drawn, well past that river card.  Or, for every hand dealt, on any given day, you're all in each and every time.

We live in a world of ever-changing technologies and disposability.  In my lifetime, my father still played 78s, had LPs, 45s, the 8-tracks, cassettes, CDs, and now music is MP3 driven.  When we wear something out, we buy a new one.  The world of repair shops is gone.  So too, we as a society, treat marriage and relationships.  We tend to toss out one that isn't working out to find a new one, rather than to fix the old one.  We are looking over our shoulders to see if something newer or better has come on the market.  There's a reason we use the term "trophy spouse."  

But in a long-term marriage, you need to be committed to that person and ride out all the storms that may come your way.  There is no way to foresee the problems you will need to conquer together.  And yet, being all in, is not easy.  From that first moment when you ask someone out risking rejection, throughout your marriage, there is a little voice that wonders "do they still love me?"  I've given my all, what if it doesn't work out?  But, you've got to be all in.  It doesn't work any other way. 

All In--An On-going Motif

When I was in Florida in May, I went to the Florida Stage's production of Ordinary Nation by Carter Lewis.  The play is about a man, Nation Jones, whose career is floundering and whose marriage is breaking up.  Through the play, in the action of the plot and as a metaphor, is the game of Texas Hold'em Poker.  This game  has swept the U.S. pop culture recently.  In any case, the playwright makes it clear that for anything worthwhile in life, one needs to go "all in."  That, for those not familiar with this poker game, means one bets all of one's chips.  I'll be using this motif for several more postings.

New Experiences

Life always has something new to offer.  

• This week I was drug tested for the first time as a pre-requisite for a new job.  I'm thinking that if the company is conservative they don't want me on drugs.  Fine.  If the company is liberal, will they not hire me because I never took drugs?  "I'm sorry, but you didn't experiment enough in college.  Obviously, you didn't inhale, and we need someone with more moxie and imagination."
• I bought a car this week.  Yes, at 45, it's the first ever--new or used.  In this case, new.  After a lifetime of public transit to work, I'll be enlarging my carbon footprint in order to get to my new job.  That's OK, after all I am an American.  Luckily Michael is a closet gearhead and led me through the process.  We need a five speed, 2.5 liter engine, blah, blah, blah, says Michael.  I want a pretty color.  We already had a Prius (our second Prius, we had one long before Leo DiCaprio), but there's now a six month waiting list for such a car.  OK, we got a Yaris.  Done.  Most important feature?  CD-player.
• We now have a financial consultant to help with our retirement accounts.  Wow.  Retirement?  Yup, that peered its ugly head much sooner than I thought.  I was pleased that we could get "Wealth Management Accounts," which sound much better than "No Pot to Piss In Accounts."  But we've always been good with money.

Old Age and Death

When Tim Russert suddenly died at age 58 from a heart attack, the news shocked people to the core.  He was so young.  The New York Times even wrote an article on people wanting to really know what happened since there are millions of Americans in the same boat: taking cholesterol and high blood pressure meds, watching their diets, exercising, and not wanting an unwelcome, unexpected and fatal heart attack.

The truth is we all die of something at some point.  The uncomfortable truth is that medical science can't cure death and can't even accurately predict it.  Well, that's life.  I had lunch with my minister a few weeks ago.  She presides over a small congregation of about 80, half of which are age 70 or older (including two active nonagenarians).  A dozen people in the congregation or closely related to congregants have cancer.  There's an active prayer list for these people.  I will confess up front, I never pray for them.  Well, I never pray, so that's no surprise.

One of the names that has been on that list for the entire 2.5 years of my membership died in April.  She was the sister of one of our members.  I was curious and looked her up in the Social Security Death Index. She was born in October 1931 and died in April 2008, so she was 76.5 years old.  The life expectancy of a woman in 1930 was 61.6 years.  So she far exceeded the average life expectancy of her peer group.  In the latest report from the CDC on life expectancy, in 2004 a white American woman should live 81 years.  So this woman lived only 94% of that.  Of course, where I come from 94% is an A.  So her death, although sad for her family, is not tragic nor unexpected.

Her sister, the congregant, now had stage 4 live cancer.  It's hard to tell a person's age these days, but judging by her sister's age, I think I can safely say this woman is at least 70 years old.  Again, sad, but not tragic.  Nor are any of the other members who have cancer or Alzheimer's in my congregation since they are all old.  

Do I sound cold?  Probably.  My life experience includes:

Brad 1955-1992

Sergio 1961-1992

John C. 1958-1992

Alex 1952-1993

I think of all the people who died of AIDS long before hitting my present age of 45.  I remember them so well.  I just can't get worked up over someone who had the privilege of living 70 years or more.  And it actually angers me that they act surprised by death, like it was something that wasn't going to happen to them.  As Olympia Dukakis says in the movie Moonstruck: I just want you to know.  You're gonna die, just like everybody else.

Nine

No, not the Broadway musical.  Not the number of justices on the Supreme Court.  It's the number of days there has been a crew jackhammering in front of my house.  National Grid aka Keyspan aka Boston Gas is fixing one, two, three leaks since last Thursday night.  Since that time I've been waiting for the house to blow up as my sanity ebbs away with the incessant noise of the jackhammer and back hoe.  Perhaps they are actually wildcatting for oil.  This afternoon after digging yet another large hole in the street, what can also be called a monsoon, swept through Boston creating a muddy hot tub on Anawan Avenue.  The pile of dirt from the hole was practically cleaned washed away and is now on Belgrade Avenue.

Evidently the work will continue, there's another leak . . .